Communication
by YankeeGirl28
Summary: Five times Amy wants to talk to her partner after he leaves and the one time she does.


**Day One**

His confession was literally the last thing you expect to come out of his mouth. After knowing Jake Peralta for quite some time, you honestly would have expect a flying monkey to leave his mouth before an omission of feelings.

The way he did it is so Jake, though. He tries to make it flippant, a sidebar to their friendship, but you know it, _this,_ means so much more than the casual tone he says it in.

He's walking away before you realize you hadn't said a word. You didn't tell him to stay safe, you didn't say goodbye, you didn't even acknowledge his words at all.

(You don't even know what you would have said.)

You mull these thoughts over as you drive back to your apartment where Teddy waits patiently with dinner on the table.

**Day Forty-Seven**

Teddy breaks it off a month and a half after Jake goes under.

He tells you he wants the best for you, and he doesn't think _he_'s the one that can do that.

(You refuse to think about whom he could be referring to.)

Instead, you cuddle up on the couch with a tub of ice cream and bring up an episode of _Chopped. _It's after the first elimination that you realize you're not as heartbroken as you expected. Yes, you're sad, and your mother is probably going to give you the judgment eyes about the fact that you're almost thirty and still not married, but…you're actually fine. Really.

You check your cell phone to see a text from Rosa asking if shooting stuff would stop your tears. You roll your eyes and tell her thanks, but you're good. After sending the message, you scroll through the contacts to Jake's name. His cover cell is now listed instead of his work phone. You know he's been using it to keep in contact with Gina, who still is totally oblivious to the entire thing and just thinks her friend was fired.

Your thumb hovers over his name as you consider your options. It wouldn't blow the operation if you sent him a text, right? After all, you guys weren't just partners. You were friends too. Wouldn't a friend reach out to a friend after said friend was let go from their job?

(What would you even say? _'Hey, remember when I said I was done with breakups? I was so wrong.'_)

You set the phone back on the coffee table and scoop out a piece of cookie dough.

**Day Seventy-Eight**

When Jake referred to the Enuchi family as being one of the best crime families, you thought he meant they were the cool type of law breakers. Now, you realize he meant they dabbled in a bit of everything from drug running to underage prostitution. He meant they would be the best to take down.

When Holt tells you the FBI wants Jake to fully infiltrate the family, your stomach lurches as you realize he means Jake's _joining _the family. They start him out small; a few B and E's at some pawnshops, a GTA now and then. They get away every time, and the FBI makes sure to compensate anyone involved.

Then, one afternoon, everything goes wrong.

Jake's crew gets caught. In what you believe is an attempt to earn trust in the rest of the family, Jake takes the fall while the rest of the guys make a run for it. Rosa makes the arrest herself. She and Boyle haven't been partnered up since Boyle's night with Gina. Rosa's not jealous; it's that she thinks Boyle is too good for Gina, which has lead to a cold standoff between the three in the office.

You look up from your paperwork to see Rosa dragging Jake to the holding cell. He's screaming and cursing ugly things at her in an attempt to build street cred with the other perps, but you can tell it's hurting Rosa more than she's letting on. She all but throws him into the cell before heading to her desk. An eerie calm settles over the precinct as she sits down.

You sneak a look over to Jake. It's only been a few months since you saw each other. For the most part he looks the same, not visible cuts, bruises or face tattoos, which is promising. His eyes flit around the office before they land on you. You could be imagining it, but you think he winks at you before his phone out of his pocket. Seconds later, Rosa's phone goes off.

(Later, after you get her a bit tipsy at the bar, she shows you the text he sent. _'Hey buttercup, been thinking about you a lot.' _She tells you when they were in the academy together, they would make up ways to communicate in code by making the other seem like a hookup. You don't dare ask about the origins of 'Buttercup.')

A small smile emerges over Rosa's face, but it's gone as soon as it appears. You smile as you watch the scene, only to be surprised when your undercover phone beeps in the depths of your desk. You dig it out under your secret chocolate stash to find a new text from Harrington McGrath, the name Jake listed as his contact.

'_Don't think I've forgotten about you baby girl xo'_

You don't stop the smile that spreads across your face. You're about to respond when The Captain calls you into his office to discuss a case. When you're done, Jake's gone and the moment has passed.

You forward the message to your personal cell and save it.

**Day Eighty-Five**

Two weeks later, Jake manages to get some important information off the computer of Leo Enuchi on to a flash drive and needs to make a drop. Holt announces the FBI thinks it would be less suspicious if a member of the Nine-Nine went to Jake's house to make it look like they're concerned about his arrest than if they sent an agent. When Holt asks for a volunteer, you can feel everyone's attention shift to you.

(You don't know if you could handle it.)

After a few extended moments of silence, The Sargent volunteers with a sigh.

When he returns three hours later, he sports a black eye. He slams the flash drive into an agent's hand and then yells at you to watch the surveillance video from the bodega across the street from Jake's apartment building to see if anything looks suspicious.

You can see Jake's face fall when he sees Terry standing in front of him. You refuse to think if he wanted it to be you. The rest of the meet goes downhill from there. You know Terry had to piss Jake off enough to get him close, but you never expected Jake to hit him. You wonder what was said, but are too afraid to ask.

**Day One Hundred and Ninety-Three**

Had you know the info grab would be the last time to see Jake for nine weeks, you would have volunteered in a heartbeat.

He completely drops of the grid. Holt tells you he thinks the Enuchis are planning something big that Jake's apart of. You agree, like always, but deep down, you're more than a little worried. You need to rely the FBI to have Jake's back, but you would sleep better at night if you could know something, _anything_.

So you throw yourself into work like never before. You break Jake's monthly record with ease, you stay late catching up on paperwork, you put in extra time at the gun range; anything to get your mind off the case you're not even working.

The day Holt finds you sleeping on the couch in the break room for the fourth time, he orders you to not to step foot inside the precinct for a week, threatening cases with Hitchcock and Scully for a month as punishment. He then orders Rosa and Gina to take you out for an evening of…'fun.'

You end up at one of Gina's favorite clubs. It's not your usual scene by a long shot, but the drinks are pricey and there are people to buy them for you so you let it go. Gina and Rosa are back on common ground after the whole Boyle incident, and you don't want to be the reason the night goes sour.

Three drinks in and during a halfway decent conversation with a man who has dark hair and a smile that doesn't fit his face, you spot Jake. He's sitting in the VIP section, surrounded by men in well-tailored suits and women who could be on the cover for Maxim. He doesn't smile the entire time you're looking at him.

You excuse yourself from the conversation and run to the bathroom, ignoring the protests from Gina. You know Rosa's going to threaten the guy within an inch of his life to find out if he did anything wrong, but you don't care at the moment. The air in the room is too constricting.

The ladies room is surprisingly empty, and for that you are grateful. You wet a paper towel and put in on your forehead. Your cheeks start to flush and you can tell tears are right around the corner.

The door creaks open and you consider turning around and asking for some privacy when you hear a familiar voice.

"'Alone in the bathroom?' Not a name I saw for your sex tape."

You let out a chocked laugh and turn around to tell him his wit has gotten worse. You bite back a gasp when you get your first good look at him in months. He looks like hell.

He's managed to lose weight off his already slim figure. His eyes are sunken in and hollow, filled with nightmares you realize you could never imagine. His laugh lines around his face have all but disappeared. He's nothing but a ghost of what Jake Peralta used to be.

That's when you finally break down. The sobs tumble out of your throat to fill the three-foot gap between the two of you. You're not the damsel in distress but you feel like you're going to collapse at any moment, whether it is from sleep deprivation or stress saturation or combination of the two.

He closes the gab hesitantly before resting his hands on your shoulders just like when the two of you went undercover with Holt at the dance competition. He's afraid to touch you, afraid that he might hurt you. This just makes you cry more.

Through your tears you see the turmoil in his eyes before he drops his hands to your waist and gives a tug so you're flush against his chest. He holds you tight as you sob into his designer shirt, probably a gift from a new friend.

(At least he smells just like you remember.)

You don't know how long the two of you stay like that, but all to soon Jake releases you and steps back, avoiding your eyes.

"It's almost done," You don't know if he's reassuring you or himself, but his voice breaks just like it did in the parking garage after his hearing and you want nothing more than to pull him back into your arms. Instead you wait ten minutes after he leaves find Gina and Rosa and tell them you're leaving, _now_.

(You don't need to look up to know his eyes are following you as you go.)

**Day Two Hundred and Forty-Four**

The FBI returns your partner with two bullets in his abdomen.

It took them longer than expected to gather all the evidence (six months, your _ass_) and once they had everything they needed, they wanted to move in immediately. Jake didn't have enough time to make an exit before he got caught in the crossfire.

Now, you're sitting in a bland hospital hallway while the smell of bleach burns your nose. The Captain's pacing at the end of the hall with his ear glued to his phone while Boyle sits between Gina and Rosa holding back his tears. You're a bit further away from the group, caught up in your own thoughts. Your partner is in surgery, and has been for the past four hours.

You fight back a yawn. When the call came in at three in the morning, you didn't hesitate to jump out of bed and race to the hospital. You arrived just in time to watch them wheel Jake into surgery. Due to the blood loss, he looked worse than the last time you saw him. You don't want to close your eyes in fear that you'll just see his ghostly white skin again.

One of the nameless agents arrives and tells you all Jake did a great service to the city. He's speaking in past tense like he's already dead. Maybe it's the fact that you haven't had a good night's sleep in days or maybe it's the fact that you haven't had any coffee yet, but you snap. Before anyone can react, you've punched the agent in the jaw so hard you think you've broken a bone in your hand. You're winding up another punch when Terry comes out of nowhere and scoops you up like you're nothing. He doesn't put you down until you're around the corner. It's only then you realize you're crying. He holds you up while you sob for what feels like hours for the second time this year.

When your eyes are finally dry, he guides you to the nearest couch and sits down with you. Rosa appears with coffee and a smirk that tells you she's proud of you.

Terry waits until she disappears down the hall again before he speaks. He tells you Jake was disappointed it wasn't you who showed up at his door. He tells you that their cover conversation was supposed to be simple, with Jake shutting him down. It wasn't until Terry said you were worried that Jake snapped and punched him.

(If you had any tears left, you'd use them now.)

The two of you sit in a silence that is only broken from your occasional sniffles. The Captain finds you both an hour later and announces Jake made it out of surgery. He flat lined once for a minute thirty-four and it's going to be touch-and-go through the night, but he survived.

The doctors only allow one visitor at a time in Jake's ICU room. You wait to go last, knowing that once you enter, you won't want to leave. Gina, Rosa, Boyle, Terry, and The Captain leave the room with a weight off their shoulders. Finally, it's your turn, you can't stall any longer. The Captain lays a comforting hand on your shoulder and gives one of his rare smiles as you pass by.

The room is already crowded with flowers and balloons even though Jake hasn't even been there a full day, but they add color to the room, something he still lacks. You drop into the plastic chair positioned by the bed. Gina's angry unicorn blanket is draped over his torso, hiding what no doubt will be some pretty ugly scars.

You reach out and take his hand, shocked at how warm it is, considering he looks like he's been stuck outside during the middle of December. You brush some of his hair back to get a better look at his face. He looks peaceful, something you doubt he's been in a while.

"Jake, wake up," your voice cracks, "I need you."

It's not a declaration of love by a long shot, but it's means so much more than that.

**The Days That Follow**

He made a full recovery.

It took him a week to wake up from an induced coma and even longer before he showed a hint of a smile, but Jake made it. He's surrounded the entire time he's in the hospital. Boyle sneaks him pizza even though the nurses frown on it, Gina supplies him with gossip magazines and Terry brings homemade get well soon cards from his daughters. You don't leave the side of the bed much until he's discharged a few days later, and then you don't leave his side period.

It starts out with you showing up at his place with takeout Wednesday nights and Sunday mornings with donuts but then progresses into an every day before and after work thing. Sometimes the two of you will fall asleep watching some bad movie or another and wake up with limbs intertwined on his tiny couch.

He lets you ramble about all the things that happened when he was gone. Sometimes he wants to talk about the case, sometimes he doesn't.

(You never talk about his confession, because neither of you seem to need to anymore. You've made it clear you'll be there for him whenever he needs you.)

* * *

It takes him three months before he's officially reinstated back at the Nine-Nine. He's a bit quieter now, and every now and then he comes in with circles under his eyes from the nightmares he can't chase away, even with her help, but sometimes when you make a lame joke his smile actually reaches his eyes and that counts as a victory. You still trust him with your life and you make damn sure he knows it.

You stop spending nights sleeping on the couch and instead make the effort to make it to the bed before passing out. The nights when he wakes up screaming, you rub his back and offer comforting words as he cries over horrors he hasn't yet told you.

* * *

A month after his return, he starts seeing a therapist. You still spend your nights with him. He's able to start taking off his shirt before crawling into bed. You sleep with your hand over the scars, a reminder of how lucky you are to have him back.

* * *

It takes another three months before he asks you to go on your first real date. You've already been living together for four months.

* * *

A year later, the entire team goes out for drinks to celebrate the official closing of the Enuchi case. The Captain gives a toast that brings tears to Scully's eyes and Rosa buys rounds of shots for everyone. Jake adds to the conversation when asked, but doesn't go out of his way to center the attention on himself.

You're listening intently to Hitchcock and Gina debate the pros and cons of Lady Gaga when Jake's fingers wrap around yours under the table. You look over to find him looking at you with a mix of admiration and something you just can't place. You lean back so your head's resting on his shoulder and he turns so his nose is in your hair.

"Thank you," he says and presses a kiss to the top of your head. It's only two words, but they say a whole lot more.

You smile and give his fingers a squeeze and settle against him, ignoring the blatant passing of money between Rosa and Terry.

* * *

_This turned out a bit more angsty than I thought it would, but overall I'm pleased with how it turned out. I might do a companion piece from Jake's POV eventually, but for now I'd love to hear your thoughts!_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing._

_writergirl28 . tumblr . com_


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